Monday, December 11, 2017

Dealing with the Haters

QUESTION:  When I tell people my first novel is being published by an epublisher, they make fun of me and ask me why I'm not with a "real" publisher.  Ouch!  This really hurts me.  How can I handle the put downs? 


I've been at this business for over thirty years, and I am an ebook pioneer so I've seen it all.  The first thing you need to know is that whatever you write whatever publisher you choose whatever media you write for will have someone making fun of you.  

From your fellow writers and publishing professionals, you will face sneers and contempt.  If you are e-published, if you are self-published, if you write for Kensington rather than Pocket, or paperback rather than hardcover, or if you write romance or erotica or mystery or science fiction or any other sort of fiction, you are looked down upon by someone, and that person has no trouble telling you so.  

From the real world of family, friends, readers, and strangers, people will sneer at you for all the above reasons as well as a few more. Most people think Kobe Bryant works hard for his craft and has a natural born skill, but writers just put words on paper and anyone can do it.  

Over half the people who learn you are a writer tell you that they are going to write a book someday, and they think it will be published instantly.  People believe that most celebrities actually write their own books, and, therefore, if that idiot can write a book, anyone can. 

The most important thing to know is that THEY don't define you. YOU define you.  

I've discovered that my enthusiasm can win over those blank stares. The trick is to believe in what you are doing and who you are. If you give those people with sneers or blank stares the power to define who you are, then you've lost, and you are nothing. 

Instead, believe in yourself and what you are doing. Writing is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and if you succeed, then you are a success. Glow with it, and no one can belittle you. 

Monday, December 4, 2017

Time Travel and the Never-Mind Factor

"I hate temporal mechanics!"  --Chief Engineer Miles O'Brien, STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE

Lately, it seems every time I start flipping through TV channels, I come across some old TV episode that involves time travel.  STAR TREK, in all its permutations, travels through time, the CHARMED witches travel through time, some poor fool on THE TWILIGHT ZONE travels through time, etc., etc.   It’s also playing a large part of this season of AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

Time travel also seems to be one of the new spices added to different paranormal book series to spice them up a bit.  

The biggest problem with time travel, beyond the mind-numbing paradoxes, is the “never mind” factor when the author uses time travel to fix things.

Something really horrible happens to the main characters, more than a few die, evil starts taking over the world, and life as we know it is about over, then one of the good guys uses time travel to go back before it starts and stops whatever the original cause of the whole mess was.  Everything returns to exactly the way it was before the story started.

In other words, nothing really happened because nothing changes.  I always say “never mind” then something rude about the writing, and decide to find another TV show to watch the next time the writers pull out the time travel plot.

That “never mind” moment means you are cheating the reader of genuine experience.  If unhappiness, danger, and death no longer can be trusted to have meaning, the reader may stop caring when permanent changing moments happen.

The reader can also feel cheated to the point she no longer trusts anything you write, and may very well say “never mind” when your next book is out.


Monday, November 27, 2017

The Drama Queen Opening

Here’s how not to start your novel.  

One or more of the characters is acting like a lunatic because she’s so frantic about something she doesn’t mention.

Dire language about a vague disaster is used.

The other characters and the pace are as frantic.

Then all this drama proves to be about a minor problem, or one that is such a problem that the overkill of the scene would be best replaced with one that is considerably more informative and lets the gravity of the situation speak for itself.

Drama queen opening scenes simply don’t work because the reader realizes she’s been fooled which may make her put down the book, or she won’t trust you when genuine disasters happen.  

Often, too, the drama queen scene proves to be unintentionally funny which can set the wrong tone for the novel.  

Monday, November 20, 2017

Flashbacks, Yes or No

QUESTION: Writers are often told that editors and readers hate flashbacks, but I see them, some of them full scenes, used all the time. What gives?

The first thing you must consider is the kind of book you're talking about. Flashbacks are quite common in literary fiction, not that common in genre (popular fiction).

Literary fiction and some mainstream fiction aren't concerned with plot and linear time (one event followed by another event). In fact, plot suspense is often tossed away by having the end of the book revealed at the beginning of the book.

Popular fiction, however, depends on plot and linear time, and the reader wants to see what happens next.

Flashbacks are a major speed bump which slows or stops the reader's forward movement through the story. The reader must pause and readjust at the beginning of the flashback and then again at the resumption of the regular plot. That pause can be fatal to the reader's immersion into the story.


Most flashbacks are poorly done, even in published writing, and the inexperienced writer would be wise to avoid them entirely because they give too much information which can be deleted without a loss to the story. Instead, the important bits can be sprinkled judiciously through the story with dialogue and interiors.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Too Stupid To Live

Readers of romance use the term "too stupid to live" (TSTL) to describe a character, usually the heroine, who does incredibly dumb things to further the plot.  

These characters are equivalent to the scantily clad bimbo in a horror movie who leaves a locked house to wander around outside bellowing, "Is anyone there?"

Of course, the really stupid or lazy person is the author who didn't bother to create a logical plot.

You're not sure if the heroine is too stupid to live?  Here are some examples.

A heroine may be too-stupid-to-live if she

Doesn't change her lock or improve security after a serial killer breaks in her home and leaves a threatening note.  Nor does she consider staying elsewhere.

Sends her guards home after the so-far-inept police decide they have captured the serial killer.

The heroine gets hot for the hero and does something about it when the bad guys are near.

The trained assassin is sneaking up on her professional bodyguard so the heroine, with no fighting training, attacks him herself rather than yelling a warning.

The "Full Moon Killer" is savaging locals.  The creepy guy next door reeks of Nair, wears flea colors, and buys large boxes of Milk Bones although he doesn't own a dog, but the heroine isn't suspicious because "werewolves don't exist."

The heroine has an entire troop of bad guys after her, but she doesn't call in reinforcements, seek help from the police, or tell the hero she's in trouble.  

She has the only copy of some incriminating documents, and she doesn't make copies, or put them in a safety deposit box in her bank.  Instead, she leaves them in her apartment.

The heroine's blind date drinks really red Bloody Marys, has a bad overbite, and stares at her jugular vein instead of her large boobs, but she isn't suspicious because "vampires don't exist."

The bad guy asks her to meet him to exchange the documents for the hero, and she goes without back up or a weapon.

Bad guys are after the heroine so she picks high heels instead of running shoes because she'd rather die than be unfashionable.

The heroine starts a verbal battle with the hero while they are trying to sneak up on the bad guys.

Someone is trying to kill her so she wanders around outside and in the cavernous mansion she’s staying at.  


What can you do to avoid a TSTL character?  If you need your stalker-chased heroine to appear on national TV, don’t have her on the kiss cam at a nationally televised football game.  Instead, have her save a child from a burning car, and the rescue is caught by someone with a cellphone.  If she must do something stupid, have her know that it is stupid or dangerous yet make all other options worse or impossible.  As Forrest Gump said, “Stupid is as stupid does.”  This applies more to the writer than the character.  

Monday, November 6, 2017

Bad Blurbs in the Real World, Part 5



A book description or back cover blurb is the third-best promotion you have.  (The first is name recognition, the second the cover.)  The first two may get a reader to glance at your offering, but a good or bad blurb can make or break the sale.  

I receive a number of ebook promotion emails like BookBuzz and Fussy Librarian, and some of the book blurbs have been so bad that I’ve started collecting them.  
Here are a few with the author and book title removed to protect the incompetent.  My comments in italics are beneath each one.

NOTE:  To see how to write a good blurb, please read my article on the subject or do a search of my blog with the term “blurb” for links in my “Links of Interest” articles.  To learn how to figure out your genre, clink on this.  

FANTASY

In 2013, a gate to another world opened, and Elves used their magic to conquer Earth, crushing all resistance before them.

Three hundred years after the Conquest, the exiled Elven High Queen rules an orderly but stagnant Earth, with humanity forced to fight in the High Queen’s war against the traitors on the Elven homeworld.

This is worldbuilding information, not a blurb.  Worldbuilding is static, a blurb should be about action.  It should tell the reader the goal of the book and whose goal it is.

HORROR

It was supposed to be a vacation, but instead reporter Rebekka Franck confronts her most baffling case yet. When a priest’s exorcism goes awry, Rebekka must pick up the pieces and discover the mystery behind an evil force. Rebekka and Sune are on a vacation in Northern Zeeland when they suddenly find themselves involved in what turns out to be their most horrifying case to this date…

A blurb should be lean.  This one is full of redundancy.  Plus, big hint: ellipsis periods don’t heighten the tension.  

PARANORMAL MYSTERY

An antique dealer is killed for an artifact which has the potential to rewrite human history. With Griffin and Erik, Cassie is sent to hunt for clues. 

This blurb lacks dynamic action with its bland verbs and passive verb structure for the main characters.

ROMANTIC SUSPENSE

The well-meaning and meddlesome Mr. and Mrs. Aden want nothing more than to protect their only daughter, Hannah. After her childhood kidnapping in Somalia and a final showdown in Italy against the monster responsible, nineteen-year-old Hannah just wants back the life stolen from her. She isn’t na├»ve like her mother believes. Frequent flashes of past terrors assure her that the healing process is far from over. At the same time, she’d hardly use her dad’s words and call herself ''strong'' or ''brave.'' That description belongs to Melissa Bennett, the woman who almost died saving her.

Back story.  Nothing but back story which doesn’t sell the book.  It’s impossible to tell who the main character is in the book, either.   

SCIENCE FICTION

A massive solar storm erases the world's technological infrastructure and kills billions. While the remaining humans are struggling to adapt and survive, they notice that some among them have...changed. 

This could describe dozens of standard dystopian novels.  Go for the particular about the book, not the generic. Ellipsis periods don’t add tension here, either.  

SUSPENSE

Years ago Seychelle Sullivan had the chance to save a person’s life. But on that summer night in Florida, lost in a world of teenage resentment and loneliness, Seychelle was not able to feel any pain but her own. Today Seychelle captains her father’s forty-six-foot salvage boat out of Fort Lauderdale’s New River. But she’s never escaped that one moment when she could have made a difference and didn’t.

And the suspense is?  This might as well be a mainstream novel, or any other type of novel.  No sense of conflict, plot, or danger.  It’s emotional backstory.

PARANORMAL

To secure her father's salvation, Gitta must travel to the depths of hell, accompanied only by a sexy, irritable vampire...named Scott.

The end of the blurb should be the most interesting part showing the big conflict.  Having a vampire named “Scott” isn’t even remotely a big conflict.

STEAMPUNK FANTASY

In a steampunk London that almost existed, where tinkerers and clockwork devices exist alongside handsome cabs and corsets, murder is still solved by traditional observation and intuition.

Historical fantasy is based on history, and a glaring error in your book blurb is a no-sale for many of us.  (It’s “Hansom cab,” not “handsome cab.”)

STEAMPUNK FANTASY

Final Fantasy meets Agatha Christie in this fresh steampunk fantasy.

These are two genres I never thought to see together, because, well, they don’t belong together.  It’s obvious this writer has never read any Agatha Christie which is a staid cozy or straight mystery that is the exact opposite of Final Fantasy, a roleplaying game that is mainly action/adventure.  Before you make comparisons, make sure you know the two things you are comparing.  

MYSTERY

Little did businessman and entrepreneur Michael Rossi know that the telephone call he answered on that fateful Friday would be the catalyst for his death, and the subsequent recovery of his body from the waters of Sydney Harbour the following morning. Unaware of her nephew’s fate, Esme Timmons retires for the evening, unsuspecting of the events about to unfold; events that will, ultimately, expose a grim lie, buried deep in the past.

Two passive events where a character can do nothing do not make a book blurb.  The mystery solver, not the victims, should be the focus of a blurb. If Esme is the main character, she’s presented passively.


Monday, October 30, 2017

Talking to Myselves

QUESTION: I am trying to write a dialogue scene in which a character is arguing with himself yet it seems that there are two distinct persons talking, almost as if the good side of him is arguing with the bad side. What is a good way to show this?

You could do it like regular dialogue between two people.  The "real" character could give his better self some kind of snarky nickname which you could use as a dialogue tag.

Jon sneered as his other self.  "Why don't you shut up, Angel Fart. I stopped believing in virtue and nobility years ago."

"If you stopped believing, why am I here?"

Or you could do it like normal internal monologue but with the good Jon’s comments underlined/italics.

Jon fought to ignore his inner voice.  He knew what he had to do, and he'd do it.  He'd stopped believing in doing the right thing years ago.


If you stopped believing, why can you hear me?